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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292327">Weekly Yeast Special Edition: Meet The Reporters</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebayhaunteddoll/pseuds/ebayhaunteddoll'>ebayhaunteddoll</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Weekly Yeast [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>American (US) Writer RPF, Furry (Fandom), Music RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Journalism, Best Friends, Canon Jewish Character, Catboys &amp; Catgirls, Conjoined Twins, Dark, Friendship, Gardens &amp; Gardening, Gen, Jewish Character, Journalism, Korean Characters, Korean-American Character, Lizard person, METROSEXUAL, Philanthropy, Psych Ward, Psychic Abilities, Psychosis, Scent Marking, Scenting, Siblings, Widowed, haunted doll - Freeform, magazine, personal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:14:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292327</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebayhaunteddoll/pseuds/ebayhaunteddoll</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Contrary to popular belief, The Weekly Yeast is not created by mixing chemical waste with print outs of 2013-era Buzzfeed articles, but is instead created by real people who contribute to society. We are happy to introduce you to our team, who all happily abide in a house on the cliffs of an abandoned east coast ghost town. Hopefully getting to know us will induce a sympathetic reaction in you, and you will be compelled to put us out of our misery.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Weekly Yeast [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Weekly Yeast Special Edition: Meet The Reporters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Lilly</span>
</p><p>Notable Works: Pitfalls of Solitude, Anna Wintour Diss Track, the Weekly Yeast official work skin, Weekly Yeast Vol. 1, Top 10 Celebrities You Didn’t Know Were Jewish, Nicki Minaj Releases New Chanukah Carol, Katie Perry’s Breakdown of her New Song “Bathsalts”, Hottest Looks of the 2020 VMAs, Op Ed: I'm Obsessed with the Dare Lion because I Feel the Need to Protect Others From Him</p><p>Editor At Large at the Weekly Yeast and founder of the Weekly Yeast Hype House Lilly edits all of the Weekly Yeast articles to make sure they’re properly formatted for Archive of Our Own. The username of their account is named after her, as she is a haunted doll that was sealed inside of a bottle in the bottom of a mall fountain. She is believed by scholars and several psychics to be possessed by a malevolent spirit, and has been declared legally evil by the Federal Government. </p><p>She was born in Baltimore, MD. She was later surgically conjoined at the hip to Lucas, which was a voluntary choice on her part. Having donated thousands of dollars to charities the Family Protection Foundation, an organization pushing for the banning of metrosexual marriage, she is a well respected philanthropist. </p><p>
  <span class="u">Ethan</span>
</p><p>Notable Works: At Home with RoopAhl, Virgin Mary Stirs Up Twitter Drama, Ayesha Erotica Says Her Hit Song "Toothless" was Inspired by Witnessing Richard Spencer Perform Fellatio on a 7/11 Employee, Six Starbucks Secret Menu Recipes That Will Make Your Barista Throw Boiling Milk At You, nearly all of The Weekly Yeast Vol. 8, among others.</p><p>Long-time contributor Ethan Moishe BenMorgan Freundlich was born when somebody took a thrifted blu-ray of <i>Yentl</i> and threw it in an industrial shredder with a 3 week old cup of Dunkin Donuts blueberry latte and half a bottle of Risperdal. He spent his formative years in the Baltimore suburbs watching deer carcasses rot in the woods and getting really mad when the bones showed up on the local goth’s instagram. In his early years, he won awards such as “Most Well-Humored Boy in the Psych Ward” and “Creepiest Obsession with E.M. Forster.” His influences include the writings of Franz Kafka, fox mating screams, and obituaries of public figures where it’s clear the paper’s Obit manager knows the dead person is gay but can’t say it. Last year, he was adopted into the Yeast Hype House after the other editors found him roaming the streets and meowing, and has since taken up residence in a warm, damp terrarium built into the wall of the luxurious estate gardens. A fun fact is that he keeps Shabbat except on Fridays and Saturdays. He is heterosexual. </p><p>
  <span class="u">Lucas</span>
</p><p>Notable Works: Member of World-Renowned Boy Group BTS Adopts 5 American Children, The YEAST Editor’s Curated List of Vengeful and Cathartic Ways to Desecrate Your Rival’s Grave, This Year’s Top 10 List of the Most Desirable (And Single!) Minecraft Entities, Fans Speculate About Dr. Phil’s Secondary Sex after Post-Humous Release of Lifelong Project, Novel “Breeding Season”. </p><p>Please let me know if you think Becky’s introductory article looks a little uglier than the rest of ours. I am building a case to present to HR about her imminent removal, which I have been told is unnecessary because the HR office is a cardboard box that Lilly turned upside-down and wrote on in Crayola marker. It is upside down because if you turn it right side up Ethan will think it is for him and refuse to sleep anywhere else.</p><p>Fan-Favorite contributor Lucas was born in Indiana but he didn’t let that stop him from becoming an accomplished, well-respected Journalist, maybe the best looking one in the Yeast Hype House. Unfortunately Lilly and Lucas are conjoined at the pelvis, a fact which may seem hard to believe because of our separate families and also races. (I am Korean and Not Jewish).<i>(editor’s note: Lucas is Jewish)</i> She is definitely harshing the vibe though. My influences are early 2010s Kpop RPF fanfiction, heirloom varieties of vegetables, and the fact that Simon included Heath Ledger’s Joker in his kinlist.  Fuck you andy editing my damn segment</p><p>
  <span class="u">Andrew</span>
</p><p>Notable Works: N/A, Sex appeal</p><p>Andrew has not contributed any notable works to The Weekly Yeast. His primary job is to scrounge for the delectable scraps that keep Ethan well-fed and even tempered, which he does by sitting near the dumpsters behind bagel shops that Ethan selects and marks with his scent glands. Andrew resides in the basement of the Yeast Hype House which is a polite way of saying a hole that Lucas and Lilly dug under the porch. He has a boon companion by the name of Ripple J. Dipple, esq., who is a domesticated animal that looks like if you took a dog but like, left of that, and they were raised in a hut together by an axe-thrower and a clinical psychologist. This turned out pretty much how you would expect.<br/>
</p><p>
 <i><span class="u">Becky</span></i>
</p><p><i>
 Notbale WORKs: Is Jim Carrey Is Ugly?, Elveses Concert</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Hi imbecky im from SOuth Sakota where i have live since  my birth in 1799. I attended the Rock-on-Sea-on-Cliff College in bERTin (go spotted dicks!!). I droped out in 1930 after 7 years of schoolign in the field of journalism. I hav only done one articel so far but i wil hav one in upcoming edition number elleven. This will be my first aritlck following the deth of my wife so from now on i wil not hav anyone to eidt my work. sShe was very imporatant to me so my ijm carrey article s may hencewofrth have adarkr themes, at leas until i am able ot locate a ne wlesbian wife. KEep an eye out for the latest news on jiM carey and what he saysd to me in my dreams. R&amp;R xx I Love the Crowd. okay guysim done now </i>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">Lauren</span>
</p><p>Notable Works: Jamie Oliver’s Eight Favorite Cocktails </p><p>Lauren has only published one article in the weakly yeast, though not through lack of effort. Everyday she writes thousands of articles, but because most of them are about t*xes, they never get published. She lives in the rafters of the Weakly Yeast Hype House, and all of her articles are submitted by folding hand written notes into shitty paper airplanes and throwing them at those below. </p><p>She is related to Ethan, but has been here long before him and will stay long after. This is a threat.</p>
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